Jobs @ MG
EDITORIAL: 1-15 October 2002
The Coronation of Abu Salem
From now on, it is the duty of all Indian Muslims wherever they live, whatever their political beliefs, to swear allegiance to their new messiah, the Right Honourable Abu Salem of the Underworld. Anybody found nursing any doubts about it would be responsible for his own horrible end.
But, wait a minute. Who has passed this latest firman (the media would erroneously call it a fatwa)? So far we, the Muslims of India, were supposed to be taking our baiyah (it is an oath of allegiance, in case you don't understand Arabic) on the hand of the Revered, Holiest of the Holy, Shri Shri Dawood Ibrahim Sahabji Maharaj only.
Now, all of a sudden, how can we shift our loyalties? After all, we are not Aya Ram-Gaya Rams, or Devi Lal-Bhajan Lals. So far, since the time of Shri Narasimha Rao, the honourable ministers, including prime ministers, CMs, DMs and everybody who is anybody at all, had made up their mind that we, the Muslims of India, had to have the Holiest of Holy Shri Shri Dawood Ibrahim Sahabji Maharaj as our supreme spiritual leader. We were not given a choice, nor asked our opinion.
We dared not question the official decision, although none of us really believed that the supreme spiritual leader chosen for us by the highest authority in the land was really the kind of person we should be putting our trust in. Opening one's mouth against this official decision would amount to sedition, attracting the severest of penalties. So, we kept quiet. .
Strictly between us, we had reconciled to living under the benign shadow of Shri Shri D as a matter of officially enforced custom and as a matter of habit, but to put the record straight,. even then we were forced to change our loyalties almost overnight from. the omnipresent, omniscient ISI, whose loyal servants we were deemed to be by our official Establishment till March 1993. Even then we were not asked our opinion on the issue.
Overnight, the honourable Establishment decided that after March 31,1993 all of us (the Indian Muslims, or Muslim Indians, whichever suits you) had, by order of the highest of the high, to shift our loyalties to Shri Shri D Sahabji. No questions asked about the cutoff date, March 31,1993. We were told we could forget the cut off date only at our own peril.
But, 10 and behold, by the time we persuaded ourselves to resign ourselves to government-authorised ownership of our souls to Shri Shri D, we were told (sometime in the mid-90s) that we had to accept a joint ownership of our souls, which from now on would be jointly owned by ISI-D Inc. We were told that ISI had taken over Shri Shri D's empire in a buyout duly registered at Karachi stock exchange.
This one was a rather difficult order to grasp. In any case, we the Indian Muslims (or Muslim Indians, if you like it that way) are not very good at investment. We don't know much about shares and debentures, and cannot tell between a stock scam and a sex racket. Thus we took a lot of time reconciling to this latest turn (now it is seven years old) in our fortunes. We had no option but to accept Govt. of India orders.
Now that we had almost totally reconciled to being ISI-D Inc. property, duly registered at Karachi stock exchange, recognised as such by Govt. of India under WTO obligations, we are suddenly told that from now on we have to be the property of the newly coronated the Right Honourable Shri Abu Salem of the Underworld.
Between us only, we were very unhappy about even the ISI-D Inc. ownership of our souls, but we did not have the guts to express our opinion because that would invite terrible reprisals from the state, which also has to honour its WTO obligations and seem to be on the side of free trade of souls across borders. After all, globalisation is the latest deity and nobody can challenge it, not even the Muslims who have the nasty habit of challenging every new deity.
But would you tell me, how come we are the Right Honourable Shri Abu Salem's property now? Quite simple. The most powerful man in India, Shri Narendra Modi of the land of Mahatma Gandhi, blue eyed boy of the PM and Dy PM, "the best CM" that Gandhiji's birthplace was ever blessed with, has decided that from now on we have the RHS Abu Salem as our spiritual mentor.
Just to leave no room for ambiguity, Shri Modi announced it at a public rally during his gaurav yatra last fortnight. He made the announcement with great gaurav, and we must see to it that his gaurav is our gaurav. Or, else!