Islamic Perspectives

Who do I marry?

Hadith Al-Bukhari - Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i. e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.
Many of my young friends who are now getting ready to commit matrimony are asking me for advice about selecting a spouse. My advice is common to both men and women. So here goes with the 6 critical requirements:
As Rasoolullah said in the hadith above a woman is married for four things but her religion is the most important. The same applies to the men. So the first thing to look for is whether your prospective spouse is observant of at least the basics of Islam.These would be the following:
Religion: Salah, fasting, charity (ask about this), Qur’an (can they at least read it fluently? It is a shame that grown up men and women ready to get married can’t even read the Qur’an fluently and correctly with Tajweed.)
Character: Courage, patience, a sense of honor (gheera), confidence, presence, manliness (in men), shyness (in women) modesty (in both), composure, a sense of peace and harmony, comfort with silence, not talking incessantly, dignity.
Appearance: Hijaab for the women and beards for the men. You don’t want to marry an effeminate man who looks like a woman. It is confusing. Style (there’s nothing endearing about looking like something the cat threw up). Most men end up looking like their fathers and most women like their mothers. So take a good look at the father and mother and decide; because that is who you are going to be looking at every morning.
Caveat: If he/she is not obedient to Allah they are not going to be obedient to you. Also in a tight spot, it is their Taqwa which will come to their aid and help to resolve the situation. If it is not there to begin with then there’s a major problem. Finally in a conflict it is the Qur’an and Hadith that is your final refuge. If they don’t consider that to be important, then you will be up the creek without a paddle. Their beauty will wear out in a few months
Yawar Baig
yawarbaig@gmail.com

This article appeared in The Milli Gazette print issue of 16-31 October 2010 on page no. 28

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