Islamic Perspectives

Recipe for a Successful Marriage

"Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You" (Furqan:74).
Question: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between husband and wife, leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?
Answer: Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of the Prophet (pbuh) to conscientise the spouses about the fear of Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa:14, Ahzab:69, Aal-Imran:101) from the Quran. All these verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Both must never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause of all marital discord. A companion came to the Prophet (pbuh) and sought some advice. The Prophet (pbuh) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat, p. 433; HM Saeed).
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Paradise. (Ibid, p. 412).
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (on whom be peace) while offering advice to his son said: "and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey" (Surah Luqman:19).
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: The Prophet (pbuh) said, "A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min" (Abu Dawud, 2/325; Imdadiyah). One should offer advice with dignity and in private.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: The Propeht (pbuh) said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah" (Mishkat, p. 429, HM Saeed).
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: The Prophet (pbuh) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu al-Dardaa (may Allah be pleased with him) for neglecting his wife: "Verily there is a right of your wife over you" (Nasai, Hadith 2391).
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed (Bukhari, Hadith 602).
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: The Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah” (Abu Dawud, p. 662, Karachi ed.).
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and seek forgiveness: The Prophet (pbuh) said, “All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness” (Tirmidhi, Hadith 2499). Mufti Ebrahim Desai